Lagumbay.com Reflections on Love, Rage, and Fear

My dearest brother, tranquil Hypnos –
Kin in darkness, warmer friend –
My blood is cold deep in my silence
And in your comfort, I depend.

Brother Sleep, I have grown weary
In this deified existence
As prince of every final breath
Who slays without resistance.

Oh, to be loved like you, my friend!
To be sought with such dependency!
To be held so close against their hearts –
My admiration, jealousy.

I am cold here in the shadows,
Consumed within my solemn trance
Forever dancing on the border
Of death and insignificance.

A leaf condemned to die
Drinks not from happy memories
But from the stream that draws it down
To drown in useless tragedies

The rest applaud in whisper,
Turn away appalled, move on.
Survival holds a world of savages
To choose whose victim’s life is drawn.

The leaf involuntarily decays –
An unknown casualty of war.
The currents push the fallen corpse
To rest on a distant shore.

Just another face in the flood of people
An eloquent lark upon larks
Whose song is drowned by the background noise
Made by birds in their wildlife parks.

Sometimes I scream “I am sorrowful!”
Just to hear all the words fade away
Though sometimes if luck would permit me,
A reply of “You ruined my day.”

Sometimes I yell “I feel wonderful!”
At times when I feel delight.
They groan and complain that their life is a mess –
That if nothing else kills me, they might.

Thus I have learned to be vengeful
For vengefulness breeds best in one,
In a world full of people who all think they care –
It really all adds up to none.

The world may accuse me of heartlessness
Though they must realize that in fact,
When I shared what I had, they ignored me
And my heartlessness kept me intact.

At the wind, he threw each thorn
Each dying moment of a lifetime
Cursing at the day that he was born
And praising life within each rime.

He took each tragedy in hand,
Clenched fists that comprehend
What minds could never understand…
The time I could not lend

To all the voices in my skull –
To all of them who seek escape,
To all who never shall
Withstand the burden of my cape.

To all the heroes and the heretics,
To all subservient Silences,
To all destructive lunatics
I give my broken sentences

For we are one within my mind,
This multitude of mourning dead
Who sought all that they could not find
In the grim comfort of my head.