Fred, my pet piranha, hates you –
He’s making grumpy faces every time you walk by
and it’s too bad because I think you’ve been a pretty good friend
and I don’t want you to die.

You’d think he’s mostly harmless being stuck in that tank
but you would be wrong
’cause Fred’s been taking classes and he’s very convincing
and you’ll dip your head in the water before long.

He’ll ask you to come over, even bribe you with cookies
and you won’t have a choice but to go
His mom was in marketing, his dad practiced law
and he won best-of-breed at a dog show.

Fred, my pet piranha, hates you –
and very much would like to eat you alive
so I guess it’s best that we just say goodbye
’cause Fred and I are going swimming at five.