PC Tonner in the 909
I said PC Tonner in the 909
Yo, I need everyone to right-click your recycling bins
because PC Tonner is about to take out the trash.
You’ve got the rhyming skills of Barry Allen in a trench coat.
You’re like the Commander In Chief when he’s sounding out “My Pet Goat”
You’re not a fan of The Eagles? What’s wrong with you?
You’ve got school kids protesting on Allen Avenue.
You wrote a book on my town from A to Z
and somehow failed to mention me?
I know, right, how could he?
Unless he’s Spadra crazy, which he could be
but does that mean he deserves the wrath of the PC?
I don’t know, maybe.
You were born on Pi Day and you took it as a sign
to try all the pies at Flo’s at the same time.
Man, you could have been Einstein
but the Frisbee pie plates weren’t far out like they were for Calvin Klein.
You write about dead people —
You’re like R.L. Stine
I mean you give people goosebumps —
You put the zero in the 909
and that would’ve been just fine then your book drops
and like Carrot Top at his funniest, you gave me no props
Now my words defy the Metrolink ’cause I’m pulling out all the stops
‘fore I get arrested for public intoxication like in that old show, Cops.
I supported both sides of the temperence fight —
I be drinking everyday and doing Molly every night
So while I’m a dead man living the life,
I can’t just sit by and let this slide —
that slight hurt my pride and now I’m dead inside
and my rhymes will cut while my voice gets loud
I’MMA HURT YOU LIKE IT HURTS TO READ POMONA PROUD!
You use all the characters on a keyboard, colon included.
You pulled that article out of someplace secluded
“Biggest Beatdown Ever Handed” reads the headline in a giant font —
It’ll be the subject of a controversial mural during Christmas in Claremont.
Take it from me, you’ve got to be P.C. with what you do and say
and for Ganesha’s sake, don’t ever celebrate by handing out blankets on
Some of these hit below the belt — I hope you wore a cup.
I just dropped my two cents so you can pick them up.