God of War III — Day 2
SPOILER ALERT — I will bring up names and situations from the game. If you do not want to know which people from the Greek Mythology roster gets what, you should probably stop reading now.
Day One Recap:
On day one, Poseidon, Hades, and Helios were offed. A few titans were ticked off but I didn’t see any bodies so I can’t tell if they’re taking dirt naps or just hanging out where I can’t see them.
Onto Day Two:
Sweet Yeti of the Serengeti!
The whole bit with Hermes (last name unfortunately NOT Conrad) was well done, if not slightly annoying. The look on Kratos as he eyed those shoes was priceless. It basically said “Nice kicks…can I have them?”
Sparta’s Got Talent:
I do not do well with rhythm games and there I was forced to adapt or my game progress would come to a screeching halt. Since I had to go through that, I only wished that the designers animated Kratos to do DDR moves on the floor. I can see the GOW spinoff now — “Harpsichord Hero”
In-Cestus:
Interesting fight with Kevin Sorbo with jealousy weaved into the story. I feel that Hercules’ demise was somehow an allegory of how the game’s writers put Kratos into existing Greek myths. The writers donned Kratos as a glove and bashed Greek mythology into an unrecognizable pulp with him, took from it whatever served their purpose and disposed of the corpse with complete disregard. Am I complaining? Hell no.
Do-a-ditty:
Right around here is where I stopped. Besides the fact that the upcoming conversation with Hephaestus will be hella awkward, I also have a few issues about all this. Here’s a guy soaked in the blood of his enemies, has Cyclops eyeball all up in his fingernails, and hasn’t seen a bar of soap in days. Nevermind the fact that he has also killed off the other gods and all that drama. It’s all good, says Aphrodite, as she invites him to stay for some hot coffee. Kratos is a pimp.
Now a few more random thoughts on continuity:
Some time had passed between the stories in first game and the second game. However, the third game picks up right where the second game left off — SO WHERE IS MY FORCE-LIGHTNING??? Did he hit his head and forget during the maybe 10 minute gap that had elapsed between the second and third game?
Also about continuity — what happened to the head of Euryale that Kratos had hidden up his nether-region this whole time? Did it dissolve like some sort of suppository? All I’m saying is that the man has no place for pants pockets but always seems to reach back to where his a-hole would be to pull out inventory items. Worse yet, all of the things he had dutifully kept there during the second game — cyclops and gorgon eyes, phoenix feathers, Euryale’s head, etc. seem to have gone missing at the beginning of GOW III. Having such things unaccounted for MAY explain why Kratos is so angry all the time, though. So for now, Kratos, take Helios’ head out from up in there, take a shower and go out for some cake and ice cream. I’m sure you’ll be feeling much more chipper afterwards and you’ll forget about all this Zeus-killing business in no time.
No? Well alright, party on.