Posts Categorized: Parody

Spare Me Maybe

Like timmy stuck in a well
old Deckard Cain is so swell
I saw Tyrael as he fell
and now you’re in my way

I found a soulstone for this
betrayed after the abyss
right now I’m royally pissed
’cause now you’re in my way

Arcane enchanted
not quite like I planned it
dead — lag-killed goddamn it
hate to sound like a cry-baby

’cause I just met you, and this is crazy
you killed the scoundrel but spare me maybe?
I should just give up. Your minions scare me
you killed the scoundrel but spare me maybe?

Hey I just met you, let’s not go crazy
stop with the mortar and spare me maybe?
I’ll walk the other way and say I’m sorry
you killed the scoundrel but spare me maybe?

Done farming Digger O’Dell
Jay’s in Development Hell
Lyndon is tired of the smell
but now you’re in my way

Leah’s quite good with a bow
Should have been dead long ago
I wish I’d shot that damn ho
’cause she’ll get in my way

Arcane enchanted
not quite like I planned it
dead — lag-killed goddamn it
hate to sound like a cry-baby

’cause I just met you, and this is crazy
you killed the scoundrel but spare me maybe?
I should just give up. Your minions scare me
you killed the scoundrel but spare me maybe?

Hey I just met you, let’s not go crazy
stop with the mortar and spare me maybe?
I’ll walk the other way and say I’m sorry
you killed the scoundrel but spare me maybe?

Before you showed up on my screen it wasn’t so bad
it wasn’t so bad…it wasn’t so so bad
now that my corpse is on the screen, it makes me so mad
and you should know that…it makes me so so mad

I’m at the checkpoint — rage quit lamely
you killed my scoundrel and didn’t spare me.

Now that I hate you, it made me crazy
you killed my scoundrel and didn’t spare me
I’m at the auction house going crazy
I’m gonna kill you and loot your body

Before you showed up on my screen it wasn’t so bad
it wasn’t so bad…it wasn’t so so bad
now that my corpse is on the screen, it makes me so mad
and you should know that
I’ll loot your body

Mr. Napier’s Lullaby (Arkham City Spoilers)

Well they woke me ’round mid afternoon and my head hurt the most.
I remember being kidnapped at a rally by its power-hungry host.
If games are like movies, my memories are films about ghosts
I could never escape even as I freefall down the coast
I knew an idiot who walked the tightrope for fortune and fame
he was an acrobat swinging trapezes but that story was lame.
If you’ve ever hung out with little boys,
the press makes your life full of shame.
And though he’ll never forgive Two-Face sometimes
I wish he didn’t know my name.

Hey, Mr. Napier, don’t die
Hey, Mr. Napier, I know why
but hey, Mr. Napier, please don’t die on me.

Well there’s a piece of my parents in every criminal sting
and the price of a memory is repaid by the justice it brings
but there’s always one more murderer to take down and one last batarang
and the last one out of the city has to lock up everything
or the inmates will get out and fill all of Gotham with dread
while Harley’s sorrowful sobbing is still lingering in my head
and the goons and the junkies disbelieve whatever they’ve read
What’s left for a sequel when my favorite villain is dead?

Hey, Mr. Napier, don’t die
Hey, Mr. Napier, I know why
but hey, Mr. Napier, please don’t die on me.

All the blue ice reflections that color Vic’s mind when he sleeps
and the business-sense distractions that accompany the company I keep
Nigma’s razor-wit taunting that cuts just a little too deep
Hey I can dream as well as anyone but Dr. Crane can’t help me sleep
So I shoot my grapnel gun into the air and it catches some beams
for a brief interruption of a question-mark grabbing scheme
Well I can’t say I knew that you weren’t quite who you seemed
So I was surprised to find out
that Karlo played Joker on that final movie screen.

Hey, Mr. Napier, don’t die
Hey, Mr. Napier, I know why
but hey, Mr. Napier, please don’t die on me.

When the Clown Prince of Crime shattered the antidote on the floor
there wasn’t another
and I wondered what he did that for
I still was not sure because he had been dead before
but I carried his body with grief as I walked out the door.
You once lived on a desert planet featuring a pair of stars
and drove past Jabba’s palace to be disliked at some seedy Spaceport bar
and you followed Kenobi after selling off your uncle’s old car
and after taking down the emperor, you became a great voice-acting star
and after taking down the emperor, you became a great voice-acting star

Hey, Mr. Napier, I’m quite touched
but hey Mr. Napier, it’s too much
so hey Mr. Napier, please don’t sing to me.
Hey Mr. Napier, please don’t sing to me.
Hey Mr. Hamill, stay for Arkham 3?

Good Friday

7 am, walking off from the scourging
wounds are still fresh, gotta go downstairs
got a crown of thorns, things are quite surreal
seein’ everything, the time is slowin’
pain is all I feel, everybody’s laughin’
gotta get up to the skull place
gotta bring my cross, where are my friends? (my friends?)

Peter’s off and runnin’
Judas has gone hangin’
Gotta make my mind up
how much can I take?

It’s Friday, Friday
Shit’s going down on Friday
my dad don’t want to help me ’til the weekend, weekend
Friday, Friday
Getting killed on Friday
everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend

Egg hunting, egg hunting (yeah!)
Egg hunting, egg hunting (yeah!)
Eggs, Peeps, sweet treats
Lookin’ forward to the weekend

2:45, we could have done this my way
Fading so fast, I want time to fly
Eggs, Peeps think about sweets
You know how it is
Type 2 Diabetes
My mom is watching me die
I got this, you got this
I’ll just cure it

[Bridge]

Yesterday Last Supper, Supper
Today is Good Friday, Friday (Partyin’)
We-we-we dehydrated
We dehydrated
They offered me some gall today

Tomorrow Black Saturday
And Easter comes after … wards
Man, why won’t this weekend just end?

So hangin’ in the dry heat (in the dry heat)
check out my feet
Nail drivin’, crossin’ (Yeah, yeah)
muscle pains, talkin’ pains
wit’ two crooks up by my side (Woo!)
Playing dice are some centurions under me
Makes click clack, click clack, wanna scream
Check the time, it’s 3ish, this is the end
We gonna have sweets, c’mon, c’mon, y’all

New Vegas State of Mind

On a chair that’s broken
with tv blocked by becca
caps are my dinero
the load times take forever

found the new Sinatra
and since I crafted here
I can make stuff anywhere
(I fast travel everywhere)

I used to hang in Goodsprings
Hola to the Powder Gangers
outskirts of New Vegas
dance with Elvis dopplegangers

Quickly, to my stash spot
Three-Eight Vegas Crew
Catch me in the kitchen
like Cook Cook makin’ Fiend Stew

Roll Hidden Valley
Power Armor
Brothers want Veronica
Y’all better not harm ‘er

Head to Tops for bad guys
Home of that boy Benny
Got to ice the bastard
’cause the asshole shot at me

Pulled trigger, see ya
I’ll keep Maria
Down at Freeside
They give me meds for free (yeah)

The Van Graffs are freaked out
I won’t turn in Cassidy
’cause they gave me attitude
and I’m most definitely from…

Vegas!!!
Concrete wasteland where dreams are broken
there’s nothing you can do
You’re in New Vegas!!!
House robot upgrades are brand new
The old guy will watch you
Let’s hear it for Vegas, Vegas, Vegas

I made you hot, Caesar!

Catch me shooting posers
dressed as Romans at a Legion camp
Gather Prime Decanus Helmets,
mint condition ’cause I can.

I’ve also met with Big Blue,
hacking at his crypto
but my companions are still welcome
at his crib though

Welcome to McCarran Camp
Contreras out there selling drugs
Dude will sell you ulra jet
Home of 1st Recon

NCR, Caravans,
Raider Fiends, shoot ‘em back
Courier delivers death
just like he’s shooting down some desert rats

8 million shots fired,
some damage taken
try running away
but half of y’all won’t make it

Shoot my .38 Special
and it’s custom made
If HELIOS ain’t fixed by noon,
Mr. Fantastic won’t get paid

Beat up a centurion
Three Card Bounty
Kill the three fiends
and report back to Dhatri

White Glove Society,
down with the slave trade,
Long live The King’s dog
Found him a new dog brain in…

Vegas!!!
Concrete wasteland where dreams are broken
there’s nothing you can do
You’re in New Vegas!!!
House robot upgrades are brand new
The old guy will watch you
Let’s hear it for Vegas, Vegas, Vegas

Rads are blinding
Bright’s church blinder
want to meet up with the sun quick,
they flat-liners

ghouls are casualties
who lose their minds casually
then gradually become worse.

You can’t stay at Bison Steve.
Hike up to Jacobstown,
chill, stay a while
and when the banter gets old
just blow the nightkin out

The Legion is bad —
they be killing on a whim.
Papa Khan’s gone mad,
you gotta talk to him.

Sweetie used to work strip
Got strung up on buff-out,
Everybody on her,
just like a train route,

Hail Mary, the buggy game
breaks immersion.
With my broken save file
life sucks if I start again

Came for revenge,
light’s amber on the hard drive,
Wallpaper rotates
some posters in marquee lights

The NCR got you
feeling like a champion,
Lanius never sleeps
Let this bullet be his Ambien

Vegas!!!
Concrete wasteland where dreams are broken
there’s nothing you can do
You’re in New Vegas!!!
House robot upgrades are brand new
The old guy will watch you
Let’s hear it for Vegas, Vegas, Vegas

You could’ve been mayor, you saved the city
street drugs, big bling, neck deep in kitty
all the world can be yours if you grow a pair
Let the plasma crackle air, everybody say yeah!
come on, come on

Vegas!!!
Concrete wasteland where dreams are broken
there’s nothing you can do
You’re in New Vegas!!!
House robot upgrades are brand new
The old guy will watch you
Let’s hear it for Vegas, Vegas, Vegas

The Traininator

Sometime last year when we were working on the Pomona Library’s “California Of The Past” Digital Storytelling Project, one of the stories we featured was that of “The Great Christmas Train Wreck of 1899” as narrated by J. Carson Bowen. The narration was taken from an expansive set of reel-to-reel tapes of oral histories recorded in the 1960’s. The images were mostly photos we have in our Special Collections room except for a small bit of CG animation I created in Blender.

Because of the computer-generated bit, I affectionately started calling the film “The Traininator” and created a mock-trailer for the blockbuster movie about this runaway train barreling through the quiet town of Pomona, California. Then the movie “Unstoppable” comes out this year while “The Traininator” languishes in obscurity.

This is the would-be trailer for The Greatest. Christmas Train Wreck Movie. Ever.