Lagumbay.com Reflections on Love, Rage, and Fear

Martians, come soon
Earth shattering kaboom
And will not block my view again
Safe to assume
The rabbit meets his doom
Unless he gets away again

I don’t want to be the one
That always has to lose
’cause I’m always left behind
Dejected and confused

A spear and magic helmet can’t –
Assault with shaving cream.
What else must I investigate
So I fulfill my dream?
I don’t care much for rabbit stew
I bet it tastes alright
But I’m
Killing the Rabbit
I’m Killing the Rabbit
Tonight

I’m not quite sure –
Locked in an oven door
I try to catch my breath again
Cops at the door,
“You might, rabbit, you might”
A match ignites the gas again.

I don’t want to be the one
That always has to lose
’cause I’m always left behind
Dejected and confused

A spear and magic helmet can’t –
Assault with shaving cream.
What else must I investigate
So I fulfill my dream?
I don’t care much for rabbit stew
I bet it tastes alright
But I’m
Killing the Rabbit
I’m Killing the Rabbit
Tonight

I’ll paint the tunnel walls
And drop a ten ton vault
Say “shoot me now” again
Not get shot in the end

I don’t know what I’m fighting for
And if it’s all a dream
But this here ain’t Yosemite
Ain’t rootin’ tootin’ mean.
I don’t know how it got this way,
The varmint has to die
So I’m killing the rabbit
I’m killing the rabbit
I’m kiwwing the wabbit
Tonight

Come they told me Pa rum pa pum pum
The One True Ring to see Pa rum pa pum pum
Our eight-fifty we bring Pa rum pa pum pum
To watch R.O.T. King Pa rum pa pum pum
Rum pa pum pum Rum pa pum pum
So to honor him Pa rum pa pum pum
When we come

Little Gollum Pa rum pa pum pum
I am obsessive, too Pa rum pa pum pum
Your precious they will bring Pa rum pa pum pum
Volcano gets the ring Pa rum pa pum pum
Rum pa pum pum Rum pa pum pum
I shall cheer for you Pa rum pa pum pum
On my bum.

Highly lauded Pa rum pa pum pum
The Orcish Horde kept time Pa rum pa pum pum
Sat on my bum for hours Pa rum pa pum pum
Saw Gandalf’s magic powers Pa rum pa pum pum
Rum pa pum pum Rum pa pum pum
Closure, finally! Pa rum pa pum pum
Sat on my bum.

Once upon the days of Neely
I woke with something in my head
I couldn’t escape the memory
Of the sports show and of what was said
When the sports show announcer made his parting remarks
I could not believe my eyes
When I saw through the image on the TV screen
‘Cause I was hoping that they were lies
Yeah, humorous but simply lies
And I lied too and said I don’t mind –
Ducks are sick and Disney’s blind
And when the Pond is opened, no fans will cheer
But Eisner lets us know when the Ducks are here
As you can see, they’re not for me
I think they’re bad for humanity

But you
Why you really want those Ducks around
Is it a surefire way to screw things up
‘Cause all it does is slow hockey down.

Shaken in their confidence
About a great many things
But I’ve seen them, they can see it coming
Like the nervous Selanne waiting on a wing
For a bad play during hockey night
But nobody thinks nor expects too much
Still, Hollywood’s calling for the D4 rights
Singing hey babe, let’s keep in touch
Hey baby, let’s keep in touch
But I want more than a touch, I want you to nail D
And knock them to the boards until they can’t see
So what they feel is just simply hell
And soon if we’re lucky all the Duck fans will yell
Your ass is mine, KILL NUMBER NINE
And it doesn’t have to rhyme so send your checking line

But you
Why you really want those Ducks around
Is it a surefire way to screw things up
‘Cause all it does is slow hockey down.

Tra la la bamba dear this is your pilot speaking
And I’ve got bad news for you
You see that Disney spews and you Duckies suck
And there ain’t a whole lot that you can do
Oh sure, the Panthers were swept and the Kings getting colder
Perhaps I’ve grown a little cynical
But I know no matter what the waitress brings
I shall drink it and always be full
Yeah I’ll drink it and always be full
Oh I like Coffey
But I hate Guy
But to be able to enter a final plea
I know they’ve got the playoffs that they cannot make
And Lord Stanley’s silverware that they cannot take

Well alright, okay
You think they can play
I hope and pray
You may be right someday

But you
Why you really want those Ducks around
Is it a surefire way to screw things up
‘Cause all it does is slow hockey down.

But you
Why you really want those Ducks around
Is it a surefire way to screw things up
‘Cause all it does is slow hockey down.

It’s time for An-heim Mighty Ducks
And we’re zany to the max
So just sit back and relax
You’ll laugh ’til you collapse –
We’re An-heim Mighty Ducks.

Come join the Sacco brothers
And their goalie Guy Hebert.
Just for fun they run around
In women’s underwear.
Coach slaps them in their hinies
If ever they would swear.
I’m so confused –
Why did they lose?
Well, really — like I care.

We’re the An-heim Mighty Ducks
Logo’s cute, our hockey sucks
We give outnumbered attacks
Just when duck fans start their quacks
We’re An-heim’s Mighty Ducks.

There’s Ewen and there’s Stu
Who think they rule the universe.
Good players suck together
Tink the Pixie is a curse.
They worship Paul Kariya
Who badly needs a nurse.
Kariya slipped
Buy him a crypt
Somebody call a hearse.

We’re the An-heim Mighty Ducks
We have play or pay contracts.
We’re stupid to the max
‘Cause we always turn our backs.
We’re not so mighty,
Totally Crappy,
An-heim Mighty Ducks
Those are the facts!