Lagumbay.com Reflections on Love, Rage, and Fear

We’re stupid — we’re toony
Our captain is Troy Loney
In this game of hockey
We’re invading your T.V.

Our old teams dispensed us
We have no common senses
In Mighty duck Adventures
Get a dose of comedy!

Here’s the Pond of Anaheim
In a state that’s full of sun
Our home sweet home
That stands alone
A cartoon work of art.

Unhappy — Dejected
We’re losing as expected.
The Mighty Duck Adventures
Are about to start.

They’re stupid and funny
They’re Yake and Anatoli.
Mike Eisner’s got the money
Ron Wilson is in pain.

They’re Corkum and Sweeney
Stu Grimson is a Duckie
Guy Hebert’s unlucky
And Ewen is insane.

At Disney University
We earn our toon degree
We learn ’bout luck
From Donald Duck
Who’s ’bout as smart as me!

So crazy — it’s scary
That I’m a Mighty Duckie
The Mighty Duck Adventures
Come and join the pun
Before the season’s done.

We believe in one OS,
the Father, the Almighty
Creator of Heaven, Earth, and the Internet,
Of all that is seen, unseen, and can be seen in beseen.com.

We believe in one Lord, Jesus Christ,
the only instance of The Father
eternally begotten of the Father
God from God, Light from Light,
true God from true God
Instantiated, not made. One in being with the Father
Through Him, all objects were initialized.

For us men and for our salvation,
He was downloaded from Heaven
By the power of the Holy Spirit,
He was ejected by the Virgin Mary, and became Man

For our sake he was executed under Pontius Pilate;
He had a GPF, froze, and was abnormally terminated.
On the third day he was rebooted
in fulfillment of the OS documentation;

He was uploaded into Heaven
and is installed as a plugin at the right hand of the Father.
He will come again in a future release as a patch to fix all bugs and viruses
and His kingdom will loop infinitely.

We believe in the Holy Spirit, the Lord the power supply,
who proceeds from the Father and the Son.
With the Father and Son He is worshipped and glorified.
He has flamed, spammed, and has sent streaming audio to the Prophets.

We believe in one holy catholic and apostolic user group.
We acknowledge one CTRL-ALT-DEL for the rebooting after errors.
We look for the final upload,
and life of the world to come. [OK]

My asian friends, we eat again.
It’s a buffet so where do we begin?
Could take forever.
Within my heart a memory
A fortune cookie that you gave to me
Oh I remember.

When I watch TV, I’m free
I’m careless, I believe.
Up on Food Network, Ming Tsai
Is preparing a stir fry,
My sack of rice.

We’ve ordered eggs sunny side down,
Oh how quickly some egg rolls turn brown.
In an instant!
It tastes so good, oh Fuki San
But why is Iron Chef French from Japan?
That makes no sense there.

I just want to dim sum here again
I just want to dim sum here again

A long long time ago
I could still remember how the duck fans used to make me smile
‘Cause I knew they didn’t have a chance
To do that little Gretzky dance
And their team won’t be contenders for a while.
The past two months — they made me shiver.
They almost stole Lord Stanley’s silver.
Found them on the doorstep
But couldn’t take one more step.
And the Ducks’ almighty goalie cried
In front of his soon-to-be bride.
Oh something felt good deep inside
The day the duck pond dried.

So bye bye, pack your bags and don’t cry
Flew to Jersey for a trophy or at least a good try
Them Jersey boys weren’t believing the lie
Singing “Soon they’ll drain the pond dry.”

Did you write that ugly script
Where Kariya’s consciousness would slip
Because Scott Stevens made it so?
And do you believe he regained control,
He skated down and scored a goal
Which made it to that night’s SportsCenter show.
And I know I showed concern for him –
Imagine rehab in a gym
They wouldn’t call a truce
For that hit he couldn’t refuse.
Mr. Hobey Baker passed the puck
But then got hit by a pick-up truck
I guess Tink forgot to send them luck
The day the duck pond dried.

For 10 years the damned fowl has grown
At the pond where the lights once shone
But that’s not how it used to be.
There was the Smythe and the prince of Wales
Before those fateful expansion sales
And two goalies named Beezer and Guy.
And as the Kings fans settled down
From watching those poor duckies drown
The hockey purists spurned
But the hockey world had turned.
Jere Lehtinen had missed his mark
Then Gaborik and Richard Park
Poor Yzerman left in the dark
But then the pond had dried.

Helter Skelter on Madden’s sweater
Ducks flew south to their home-ice shelter
Brodeur’s luck went falling fast.
The puck had trickled in at last
When Sandis tried for a dump-in pass –
The Devils being haunted by their past.
The overtimes prolonged their doom
As hinted by that “Dream On” tune
And they all got up to dance
Like they really had a chance.
Their players tried to take the ice
To catch the whole world by surprise
By taking hockey’s greatest prize
But then the pond had dried.

Oh and it seemed they stood in place
Degenerating time and space
With no shots getting past Martin
So come on Rob be nimble, Scott be quick
Can’t someone lift Jeff Friesen’s stick –
He fired and the Devils scored again
And as I watched him celebrate
The duck fans faced their dwindling fate
The duckies were in Hell
Bound by Martin’s dark spell
The winning goal, a first for Rupp
The one that let them raise the cup
The Jersey shore knew what was up
The day the duck pond dried.

That’s when the duck fans sang the blues –
I guess they never heard the news
That fairy tales turn out this way.
I remember Jamie Storr
Who let too many people score
And I wish he’d be Giguere someday.
Back at the pond the children screamed
Emilio cried and Eisner dreamed
When not one shot had gone in –
The shutout left unbroken.
And the three ducks they admired the most –
Giguere, Kariya, Adam Oates –
They caught a plane back to the coast
The day the pond had dried.