My brave and loyal soldiers, children of The Garden, the Marigolds are dead. The Tomatoes have been slain. Zucchini is no more. We had been overrun and the battle had been lost. During the fight, an assassin sent by Gaia herself had struck, and while I was fortunate to escape with my life, I sustained a crippling injury and was unable to lead you in battle. In the end, Operation Pluck and Awe did not succeed.
This failure, MY failure should in no way diminish the glory of our winter warriors. Brave Broccoli and Communist Cabbage fought valiantly against weeds and clovers, cold winds and freezing rain. Their humble contributions to the altar of sacrifice will be remembered even as their bodies decay in the battlefield. Injured and unable to fight, I helplessly watched as Gaia’s minions reclaimed territory. I was forced to bear the sight as my soldiers were one by one claimed by death.
My brave warriors, THIS is Gaia’s folly. Her soldiers should have slaughtered us all when given the opportunity. Instead, they gave us time. They gave us time to grieve, time to heal. Their prideful mockery has only fueled our disdain. Their victory had only strengthened our resolve. This past Wednesday, a day that shall forever be remembered in The Garden, a knight named Mago, Vanquisher of Possums, single-handedly conquered Gaia’s forces. In the wake of this destruction and carnage, we have been given back what is rightfully ours.
With the land once again under our control, we will recover for I, your leader, have returned to the throne of power. In memory of the glorious dead, those who have come before, those who had paid the ultimate sacrifice, we shall rebuild. For honor, glory, and righteous vengeance we shall rebuild. For ourselves and for our brothers and sisters who stand beside us in this dark time, we shall rebuild. The dawn of a new season favors us. My fellow warriors, let us rise triumphantly from the ground and claim the victory that fate has promised for ourselves and for The Garden!
My fellow citizens of The Garden, we have endured the treachery and oppression of Gaia and her troops for far too long. We shall never forget the Winter of Season One when her troops invaded our territory and killed our plants. We shall never forget Basil who heroically gave of himself even up to the point when the enemy had him in their choking grasp. We remember the two innocent Bell Pepper seedlings who were killed long before they could have fruitful lives. We remember the survivors of the attacks who are forever scarred by the memories of those events.
As we vow never to forget the harm Gaia and her troops have done in the past, we also vow to have a more watchful eye on our enemies. For the past few months, we have tried to live in symbiotic peace. Even as we watched each day as her weeds and tall grasses tried to infiltrate our ranks, we tried to find diplomatic solutions to our differences.
Citizens of The Garden, after an extensive and painful study by my allergist, we have determined that while we were trying to find peaceful co-existence with Gaia, she had been developing biochemical weapons with the clear intent of using it against us. With this information, I, as your General, have decided that the time for diplomacy has passed and that the time for action is now.
Earlier this morning, I had ordered the troops to conduct Operation Pluck and Awe — a preemptive incursion into Gaia’s territory with the clear mission of destroying any and all strategic military targets she may have. Though our troops face large concentrations of allergens along with the possible threat of ants, spiders, and unidentified bugs, I am confident that we shall be victorious.
The Garden [RTS] is once again at war. It is a war we did not choose to have, but a war we nonetheless shall win. May The Flying Spaghetti Monster’s Noodley Appendage bless you, and may The Flying Spaghetti Monster’s Noodley Appendage bless The Garden.
I have come to the conclusion that In The Garden, Harvest is not a given day. It is not a single time designated for swinging a reaper’s scythe against unwilling crops; it is not the imagery of one final moment spent gathering everything and separating wheat from chaff. Since flowers bloom and fruits ripen at different rates, Harvest is about gathering what is ready and patiently waiting for those who need more time. With pruning shears, I am The Garden’s Atropos.
Many tomatoes have been harvested from the vine with many more to come from Clotho’s spool. Lachesis has been generous in measuring the few zucchini that attained the ultimate glory in the sacrificial fires of the summer season. The Fates have shown mercy but it is clear that they do not hold me in their favor. As battle continues, my consolation is that the troops and I are still able to fight, even as the gods conspire against us.
Having been deprived of the Greek gods’ full cooperation, I sought the gardening wisdom of the Roman Goddess Pomona. I came as a gardener to seek her sympathy and she ignored me. I came as a warrior to gain her trust through prestige and she turned away. Finally, I came as myself and she agreed to help. With Helios’ Solar Gaze feeling more like a Wrathful Stare, I hope the newfound alliance brings aid.
The Tomatoes are doing well and require more pruning. The Zucchini may also be growing too quickly for their own good. The Peppers are slowly ripening. Bell Pepper from Season One has two fruits growing. Basil is flourishing and is stubbornly trying to flower. Rosemary continues its fragrant growth. The Chives have doubled in size in the partial sun. Lettuce seeds gathered and sown have sprouted seedlings. Even the Marigolds are continuing to flower.
The Garden continues to grow. The soldiers show great fervor, proving that they are indeed ready for combat. The General, however, sees what his troops do not yet see. He sees Gaia’s army forming ranks. He knows that soon, Helios will show no mercy. To him, the upcoming battle’s outcome is yet uncertain, but one thing is clear: courage and perseverance will lead to a glorious victory.